Dealing with a crazy terminator relative

Silvia and Aunt Nancy visit for one weekend every six months, and my aunt, a total hypochondriac, always has to go to the emergency room.  She woke up this morning, and her chest hurt.  Her chest hurts all the time, but apparently, this time was worse than ever before. She says that EVERY DAY.

Even though Aunt Nancy lives in Cleveland, she ALWAYS calls to complain about her so-called illnesses.  She loves the attention, and Mom is too nice to let her calls go to voicemail.

My aunt thinks she’s dying from metal fatigue because her chest metal is getting soft.  She is a 52 year old robot, so there will be some wear and tear. But you can’t die from metal fatigue. You might lose an arm or something, but you can get a new one!

The major health concern for terminators is the CPU. If that gets a virus, you have to be really careful.  And of course, Aunt Nancy claims she’s had hundreds of them. She gets Silvia to rush her to the hospital since she says she’s too sick to drive!  Then, they sit in the ER for hours only for the docs to say she just needs to be cleaned out a little. The poor nurse, who has since her a zillion times, opens her head and chest cavities and gives them a good dusting and vacuuming.

So, of course, the same thing happened this morning.  Aunt Nancy woke up Mom and said she had to go to the hospital.  Today, it was a headache, and she probably caught a virus driving from Cleveland to here.  I would think most of the viruses are in Cleveland, right??

My mom, aunt and Silvia waited for three hours, and of course, no virus. The docs tightened some bolts and oiled a few hinges. Our whole Saturday was shot.  Silvia and I were going to hang out in D.C., but her mom will never let her have any fun.

Problem is, what if she really is sick one day? Will anyone know? It’s like the boy who cries wolf. If you whine every day about being so sick, no one will ever believe you when you are.  Poor Silvia lives alone with her, and you can see the stress in her face. She’s only 22, but her face metal is already worn down. I really think Silvia wants to get married so young to get out of her mom’s house!  But then, what if Aunt Nancy wants to move in with us??  Kill me now!