So I’m almost 16, and we all know what that means: learner’s permit time!  Mom was trying to teach me, but she got so nervous, grabbing the dashboard and holding her breath all the time. Mom says I drive like I have no control over the car. I think she’s totally overreacting like mothers do, right?  Driving in her old Civic is such a drag anyway. I mean it’s so old, and I know learning in Dad’s SUV would be so much easier. I don’t know what brand it is, but it looks good!  That means I would look good driving it, right?

Hal, Shelley and Rick don’t want to teach me and say I’m too stubborn. I think they would make horrible teachers anyway. Plus, Rick would smell up the car.  Ever heard of a shower, Rick?  And he can’t be bothered to do anything except hang out with his idiot girlfriend. They don’t even take care of their hygiene let alone wear nice clothes. I’m so tired of trying to make people look presentable. They should be happy for my help, but they just stay stuck in their stupid ways.  Doesn’t everyone want to look good?  I mean you feel good too, right?

Now, Dad said he would teach me.  The toughest thing is adjusting the headrest since I have such a long head. All aliens have the same problems.  We still haven’t bought the headrests for aliens for some reason. Dad says it’s too expensive. Whatever.

Driving isn’t hard, and I think I’m a pretty good driver. Sometimes though, I press both the brake and the accelerator at the same time. Dad yells at me saying that’s horrible for the car, blah, blah, blah. It sounds like he’s more worried about the car than me!

He says we have to go to Pep Boys first because he has to get some parts.  He works on so much stuff in the garage, so he’s always going someplace to find tools.  I love that he makes me drive him to do errands.  I do see some interesting driving gloves which makes me think I have to get some nice ones from the mall.  And of course, adorable accessories like Hello Kitty air fresheners!  I cannot wait to get my own car!

I hang out for ½ hour so Dad can chat with his buddies showing them the latest additions to his chassis, as he calls his body. He buys almost $100 worth of junk, but they give me a hard time about shopping for decent clothes!!! He says he’s preparing for Dana’s birth and needs to set up the nursery. I think this stuff is all for him. He needs to buy me some gorgeous leather driving gloves for standing in this dirty store.

Finally, we get back in the car, and he says we have to practice parking.  Who invented parallel parking? I mean I’ll never need to do this in suburbia.  I don’t even think I’ve seen any parking spots on the sides of roads!! I know the malls don’t have them. He says I’m horrible at parking and we need to spend a few hours reviewing this.  Do I really need to learn how to parallel park?  Has anyone ever used it??

About Ripley Connor

Part alien. Part human. Part terminator. All mixed up.

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